1. You disallow me to customize my own layouts unless I pay a hefty price.
2. I don’t even get half of the features you have.
3. tumblr is a shorter name than wordpress
4. I’m sorry.

But on a lighter & more fun note; I saw Star Trek last night! I can not stress this enough, my grandpa used to watch Star Trek. Respectfully, he watched Star Trek: The Next Generation but nonetheless, I sort of grew up with some Star Trek knowledge (barely). It is a good movie if you;re not a hard-core trekkie (although my roommate;s mom loved it & she is the older generation trekkies). It had good action, funny moments and characters that are not at all hard to watch.

Yesterday I was also able to spill out 7 pages of pure bullshit for my writing 2 class. That class is gonna be the death of me yet ..

A lot of people these days turn to vegetarianism because of views, how they perceive meat and worst of all because it is a trend. 

I knew some kids back then who used to eat meat by the galloons – okay fair enough. And all of a sudden, when one started being a vegetarian the other modeled after and now they’re all happy, dandy vegetarians. I’m not saying it’s bad, influence, peer pressure or what not but it just bugs me that sometimes people see vegetarianism as a trend, a fad. A stigma that you place upon yourself.

More power to ya if you don’t eat meat. I personally could live off meat I just choose not to, thank you very much. I like it when people don’t jam these views down my throat (not saying anyone does) and sometimes I do avoid eating meats on days just because I don’t feel like it. I don’t think it makes me a bad person .. I just eat differently then others.

However, there are some vegetarians that get insults flown at them or justifications that are wrong. Leave them be. If vegans want to eat how they eat for goodness sakes let them! Who are we to tell people what to eat and how? Eat your own damn food and leave them alone! (Vice versa for the carnivores). 

I don’t know, just felt like rambling. I just saw another person turn into a vegan. 

By the way, did you know those asian jelly thingies are made from horse hooves and whatnot. DISGUSTING. I refuse to eat those things now. I feel so bad because during my wisdom teeth operation my dad bought me a whole box because  I couldn’t eat solids – now I’m afraid to even touch them

But anyways, I’ll continue to eat my meat and shy away from jelly thingies and you continue to eat your fruits, veggies, dairies, meats and whatnots. Fish is great!

Eating, the boyfriend comes up to me with a pout on his face.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“I didn’t think you’d take this long to eat, I want to go hang out with my friends,” more pouts, he pouts.

“Fine,” I get up and grab his hand and starts walking toward the bus. And then he says something that ticks me off so much I twist the hand I’m grabbing, punch him in the stomach repeatedly until he yells at me to stop. Then I let him go and he goes off on the bus to his friends. For some reason I think it’s my birthday.

“What’s wrong?” my best friend appears out of nowhere and asks.

“IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! MY HALF BIRTHDAY! AND HE JUST DIDN’T TEXT ME!” I’m screaming at her. 

“I don’t see what the big deal is, it’s not even your birthday,” my best friend retorts.

And for some reason, I keep seeing the word April – April. The month April. The word April on my calender.

Couldn’t go back to sleep. And for some reason this dream is so real that I can’t even describe how much I know it might even happen one day.

Have you guys ever watched ‘Firefly’? It’s this sci-fi western that is really funny. Though it was canceled really early during the season (it survived one season) I wish it lasted longer. Well, I ask because — I just finished all 14 episodes and the last one struck me hard. When River feels like no one likes her and they all hate her, it hits close to home .. I feel that way sometimes, no a lot of the time. I even have dreams where I think everyone hates me. I don’t know if it’s just my paranoia sinking in but I honestly feel that everybody hates me. I think that’s why I’m so insecure. I think my friends hate me, my roommates, my boyfriend, strangers, classmates, etc. 

When someone stares at you funny doesn’t that make you feel like they hate you. I think that’s why people get so worked up with just one glare. I don’t know .. especially here I feel like an outcast. I wish I could be like River and escape, save the day and know that everyone loves me again .. 

There are always those days. You don’t know what people say behind your back or what thoughts they think .. I hate it when people say, How could someone hate you, you’re so nice. Doesn’t matter. Being nice doesn’t always constitute that you’re well-liked. Being nice just means you have a high-tolerance for annoying people and are considerate. I can do that. I can do that well, but I still feel disliked the majority of the time.

It feels like everyone ignores me, no one cares about how I feel. If I try to talk about how I feel I’m just called, stupid or plainly disregarded. I try to give support as best as I can and it’s nice support like not ridicule or intense criticism I just try to comfort the person and have them see their problems in a different light. Most of the days I just feel like I have to put on a fake show and pretend that everything is happy go lucky because if I complain I’m just met with people giving me attitude and people saying, I freak out or worry too much but that’s who I am. No that’s unacceptable. Don’t be who you are! Just shut your mouth and let everyone think everything’s okay when NOTHING IS OKAY. LET ME FREAK THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE THAT’S HOW I COPE WITH THINGS. People kill people, people paint, people write, well I freak out and try to figure out multiple ways to solve things. It’s different for every freaking body. We’re not all geared the same then don’t think everyone will be the same. THE END.

It’s hard to focus when you think everyone hates you. It’s worse if you go snooping around trying to find out the truth and it’s sad. I don’t know, I feel so .. depressed, not just depressed but agitated. It could be all the studying that I’ve bee kept from that claws at me or the homesickness that I constantly am feeling. It’s everything. I feel so overwhelmed.

Noises in the stomach can be traced to anxiety and stress. And not pooping .. or farting. Oh the joy, another thing to worry about. If you look up gas or farts there are pretty interesting articles and information about it. Like how celebrities do fart and how not farting can’t kill you but it may lead to internal damage … 

Oh, body you cease to amaze me. Not only do I have to worry about bodily functions such as pooping and peeing or hygiene. I also have to worry about farting! How do you fart when you share a room with two other people? I mean, I’m not saying I’m gassy all the time but .. okay this is a nasty blog. But I’m bored!

And I didn’t want to blog about my emotions again because they’re quite off the page at this point.

Other than that I’ve been delving back into school with a vengeance to do well and succeed. Good luck to me and good luck to you guys! Hope you had a good Spring Break.

Oh, and posts on my trip. I drove two hours on the freeway (mind you this is quite an accomplishment because I usually never drive on the freeway). It was quite thrilling and scary at the same time. Can’t really explain the feeling ..

So, tomorrow I’m taking a trip tomorrow with one of my best friends and I’m in fear. I just need to relax and calm down. Just focus and mellow out.

I’ll take of the school part once we get to school (I’m sort of excited and scared for it). I really want to talk to a counselor (academic advisor) ASAP!